One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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