Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
