she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
