currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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