Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
