Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
why didn't you poke me back
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
