Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
