I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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