Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
