Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
