my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
