Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
