Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Two words: blizzard sex
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
