I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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