She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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