She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
