Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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