i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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