I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
