The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
