Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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