I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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