Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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