Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
that is very illegal...i love you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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