One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
