You're so nebulous sometimes
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
