DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
