guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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