Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
