hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
