Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
