She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it was like eating out sand paper
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
