It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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