On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
