he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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