hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
