I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
