I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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