i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
