The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
