your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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