If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
