This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I had to cum in my sink.
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