So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
