im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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