My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
