Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
