We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
