this beer tastes like vomit already
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
