a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
