6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
