you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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