So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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