My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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