Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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